Friday, February 12, 2010
Movie Review: Friday the 13th (2009)
As if time had stood still, the 2009 version of Friday the 13th adds absolutely nothing to the original 1980 horror classic.
This remake is a cinematic paint by numbers of the gagging kind. The true horror on display is the ineptness of the project: everything from the nauseatingly stereotypical multi-cultural mix of teenagers lined up for slaughter, through the various methods of killing, to the oh-so-tired final "shock", is wooden, recycled from the discarded remains of countless other movies, and delivered with all the flair of concrete shoes.
There is exactly one memorable moment in the movie, about 3 seconds in duration, a good one-liner about a hockey stick being a suitable accessory to mass murderer Jason's outfit.
The majority of the victims of Jason's latest rampage through Crystal Lake (which, somehow, required two screenwriters and three "story" credits) are obnoxious, stupid and aggravating to the point that they can't die soon enough or with enough brutality. Cheering for Jason may have been the purpose here all along, and he's certainly among the more sympathetic characters, acting like a useful terminator of hyper-sexed teens who are otherwise too inept to deserve oxygen.
Michael Bay either reveals the true depth of his lack of talent or remarkable lack of judgement by being associated with this mess as a Producer. The rest of the cast and crew are unknown, and on this evidence, likely to remain so.
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